Auf Der Maur takes on the world

From: Gay.com UK, 2004-02-17
Date added: 2004-02-20

back

Having played second fiddle to the biggest names in rock, Melissa Auf Der Maur is set to hit the charts on her own terms. Her debut album, titled Auf Der Maur, is ready to be released and upgrade her to A-list rock star status. We caught up with her to talk about listening to your dreams, empowerment and marrying Rufus Wainwright.

Well done on the album. Was it quite liberating doing it for yourself, especially after coming out of such big named bands like the Smashing Pumpkins and Hole?
The big thing is structure. When you're in a band like Hole there is so much pressure, all the managers, lawyers all the tours. I had been living in such an intense structure for so long that music had become, you know, strange to me. The actual relationship with music changed because of then structure imposed on it. So when I left the Pumpkins, I promised to myself that I would deconstruct what music had become to me, and find it again. And that’s when I decided to make my record.

Talking about liberation and empowerment, there are lots of references to power on the album. Was that a conscious empowerment theme, reflecting how you felt when recording it?
Well nothing is conscious in me. Everything is sub conscious, when it comes to music. The writing lyrics part comes from my gut spilling into my diary. I think everyone should explore their sub conscious as there are lots of truths in there that you can't deny. And even the way I like a melody or guitar riff, it all comes from a gut thing. It doesn’t come from my brain.

The album is very sexy. I mean the opener “Lightning is my girl” has a lesbian thing going on in the lyrics, with you asking a female power to tuck you in at night.
That’s funny.

Have you ever had any experiences yourself or anything else to clear up?
I made out with one beautiful girl once, and that’s as far as I've gone with a lady. "Lightning" was a song that was taken directly from a dream I'd had. I woke up so excited, because it was about this girl who had this sexy pact with lightening and whenever there was a thunderstorm she would be directly transported to her true love on a street corner in her dreams. It was the only time she could be there and lightening was her aid.

So if there was one person you would switch for, who would it be?
Another woman? Erm. Isabella Adjani, that French actress? OK, actually a better one, who looks almost identical to her is Monica Bellucci in Matrix Reloaded - the super feminine one in a white latex dress. She plays the sex object of desire that Keanu Reeves can’t resist.

You've spoken about the gender twist in your music. The music is quite heavy and almost traditionally masculine, while obviously you're very feminine in your singing and content. Is this like a rise of female rock overthrowing the male dominance?
Well that’s not as subconscious as things like the lyrics, actually. The truth is that I'm someone who my whole life felt asexual. Until I was 18 I looked like a boy. I didn’t have breasts till late and I was always struggling with the masculine and feminine within me. And I always thought this album should reflect the man and woman inside of me or anyone, trying to become one. Rock music…is like a healing process bringing those all together. I see myself as a brave woman trying to tackle the masculine and aggressive side of me.

And your previous bands too: there is something very feminine about Billy Corgan, while there is also something very masculine about Courtney love.
Well those bands have that too. And that’s why there are no other bands in the world that I would have joined I don’t think. For many reasons, but that being one. That’s what turns me on in music.

Do you think there is a resurgence of women in rock music at the moment? There is a lot of hype around at the moment.
Yeah. I don’t think it’s a resurgence, because I don’t think its ever quite happened. There have been some amazing ones like Joan Jett, Heart and great ones speckled throughout the 50 years of rock music. But they didn't hit the mainstream like the guy bands do. This is a modern world. We are getting further and further away from women are convinced that they are supposed to be sexually submissive and wives.

Why do you think that is? Is it because teenage boys find it hard to look up to women idols?
I think women don’t feel its natural to feel the aggression of rock music, because they have been trained for so long to be more submissive and more inner world. It's not as natural for women to go to sweaty bar, drink beer and be surrounded by testosterone filled men. That was a way for me to explore that side of myself and I don’t think we are exactly at the point where that many women are naturally exploring that side of themselves. I secretly hope that with my album I can invite more of them too. I predict there will be more and more women coming to the fore in the future.

Getting back to your musical friends. You’ve appeared with, amongst others, Rufus Wainwright’s Poses. What was it like to work with him?
Rufus and I have known each other since we were 14. We sang in choirs together and he is one of my oldest friends from Montreal. Rufus and I were in love when we were 14, when I thought I was a man and he thought he was a woman (laughs). We had such a love affair. We kissed once and said “I love you”. Then within a year, I started to feel different and he started to feel different and we realised we liked other things. But it was a very sweet romance. Actually I now remember things went south when we realised we had a crush on the same guy. That’s when everything went cuckoo.

What do your friends and past band members all think of the record?
Well I don’t know. I'm not in touch with Billy or Courtney. Rufus checks in on me all the time and is very excited for me. I feel in my heart that Billy and Courtney are supportive and excited for me, but they haven’t heard it.

How come you're not in touch, or is it just a falling out?
No it's not a falling out. When you have such an intense experience like that its like being in a family or a relationship. When you break up its hard to be a normal friend. It's like boyfriends. It’s a very respectful and mutual break but you don’t know how to relate anymore. To be honest I couldn’t tell you why we are not in touch anymore.

Every band is full of tension tough, let me tell you. Courtney is very animated about it but bands have unbelievable drama going on within it. What's intense about the band is that you get all wrapped up in each other and everything gets blurry lined, like “Who am I”. My new band was a conscious decision because the band was going to reflect the record that was already made. So there was no weird ego thing, because roles were defined. And it's not as dramatic as when you have a band with equal members. I have so much respect for bands like the chilli peppers who can stick it out for so long.

back