Musician, model, photographer, icon

From: i-D, 2003-03-01
Date added: 2003-03-10

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Musician, model, photographer, icon: as bassist in Hole (replacing Kirsten Pfaff, who died of an overdose), Melissa Auf der Maur represented the yin to Courtney Love's yang. When her five-year contract ended, she swiftly found herself in another legendary rock act, touring with the Smashing Pumpkins for a year until their split in 2000. Always the thinking person's alternative pin-up, she's since modelled for Olivier Theyskens and Calvin Klein, and has exhibited her personal photography. Currently fronting her own Black Sabbath cover band, Hand of Doom, Meissa Auf der Maur's first solo album is due for release later this summer, featuring Josh Homme and Nick Olivieri of Queens Of The Stoneage. Not a wrong step in sight, the secret of her perfect career trajectory is simple: "I only do things that make sense."

You played in Hole for five years and in the Smashing Pumpkins for one, both times replacing former band members. How does it feel to finally have your own band and work on your solo album?
Those years were a solid six years of incredible, priceless education I would never trade for anything. I couldn't have gone to a better school. Even though the whole time I was putting my creative aspirations and needs aside, I always knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I felt that if I was patient, and I worked hard, I would earn what I have now, that is to be my own boss, the master of my own musical destiny. I'm in complete bliss! I signed with Capitol Records last month to finish it. Besides that, the producer is someone I dreamed of working with since I was 19, Masters Of Reality's Chris Goss. I prayed: 'One day I'm going to make a record with this man!' I also work with all my favourite musicians; people I've toured with or seen play or even idolised. The two biggest influences on the record are my hero, Josh Homme (Kyuss, Queens Of The Stone Age) and my best friend/ex-boyfriend Steve Durand, from my first band Tinker. Being able to bring them together means that the record is my complete dream, my fantasy and reality. I'm in heaven!

Do you enjoy being the front lady, being in the spotlight?
I love singing and I love being strong and confident enough to say words that are very vulnerable to me and express what I feel for myself and for other women. It's an amazing exercise.

Did you have to adapt in any way to be the lead vocalist?
It's been a natural musical progression. I sang in choirs when I was a kid. In Hole I was just a pretty vice to support someone else's personality. The biggest challenge was to find my own. Since Hand Of Doom, I've learned a lot from Ozzy. I couldn't be this shy person.

You got a lot of attention with Hand Of Doom because of the Osbournes craze. How did you feel about that?
That was completely coincidental. we started it all before that. I don't hate it. I don't watch TV so I don't consider TV my ally. I acknowledge it - I think it's great that people can watch music videos on MTV and that the news sort of covers what's going on in the world. But the Osbournes phenomenon didn't really affect me. I had no clue.

Have you met them?
I have met them a long time ago when Sharon was managing the Pumpkins for about one minute.. I had lunch with Sharon for a business meeting. She had her husband pour tea for me. It was very exciting but slightly intimidating experience.

Have they seen you play? Do they like your cover songs?
Jack Osbourne came to see us play. If you buy the record, there's this sticker with an official Jack Quote: "i'm impressed. You give my family a good name." Jack has been very supportive. He and I share a similar taste in music.

Kelly Osbourne is one of the other 'strong, independant women' featured in this issue. How do you feel about her? does she belong in this catagory?
I only met her once. She seemed like a very shy, young girl. I assume that most kids are shy and innocent but overcompensate by being loud. I would put her in the catagory of 'strong teenager'. I think she's a great role model, like Avril Lavigne. I like the idea of tough girls. Every girl that is not blonde and busty, wearing tons of make-up and acting like a Barbie doll, is great to have out there. There are plenty girls in the world who believe that they can live out a fantasy of dancing on stage or meeting their favourite musicians, wearng crazy punk-rock clothes and dyeing their hair, and still be accepted. I would never encourage her to be rude or talk shit about people. But it's good to have opinions and if maybe she's just tarting to have strong opinions it may be good in the long run; she should try to make changes.

How do you stay sane? Is it not hard to succumb to a diva disorder?
No way! I have no idea what my answer could possibly be because I've never wondered how I've become what I've become in these terms. I just know that doing the right thing is the only thing to do and that is to not succumb to an irrelevant,superficial, hollow world. I would never even put 'celebrity' and 'music' in the same sentence. I'm just a musician and that's the only way I've ever seen my journey in life.

You don't seem to fit the stereotypical rock star profile...
Right! My doctor asked me the other day what I did for a living. I said: 'I play rock music'. She looked at me from head to toe and couldn't believe it. I was in a band with someone who is on the cover of NME as 'the biggest rock star in the world' because she was arrested on the plane. Supposedly this is tradition in rock music...

How did you get along with someone as volatile as Courtney Love? You seem to be almost the opposite of her personality.
In music you need both to make the band work. I fell in with bands because I needed to fill that role of the 'nice Canadian girl'. I assume it's also because of the musical connections but a lot has to do with personalities. I know that I've become much stronger by working with many different people, not only the people in the band but also the cold, heartless men in the record industry. It turns into politics. I generally ignore it, look through it and probably become more human because of it. People sometime forget that they are talking to another human being and instead judge of what somebody is wearing, on his or her job or on what country they're from. All of this is so insanely irrelevant! They forget about the common detominator: We live, breathe, die and try to be good in our lives. Then there's all this crap in the top surface, this shitty little layer of scum on top where people look up to structures of money and politicsa and power. I basically try to ignore that as much as possible. I feel that every person I meet potentially could be a friend. When people don't see life like that, I don't relate to them. It inspires me to only work with people I like. Of course I can't be an idealistic hippie in everything - there is a certain level!

Are you and Courtney still friends?
I haven't spoken to her for a while. We're far from enemies. We definately have a mutual respect, but there's a distance. It was a professional relationship.

This issue of i-D is dedicated to the beauty of the individual. How do you define beauty?
Truth is beauty. Any person that is truthful, anythign that comes from a motive of truth, is beautiful. Every person, even with all the quircks and bad qualities, can be beautiful. Someone's worst weakness that makes him or her a crying, bumbling child can make him or her beautiful. If you are only brave enough to be yourself. Even in fashion. People that truly believe that what they're wearing is beautiful or enhances a certain part of them are beautiful. One thing I don't find beautiful is negative reactions against things. As in 'Oh, it's so ugly that it's beautiful!' I can't stand when people make a statement of some strange, modern concept that being the biggest jerk or wearing the ugliest clothes is the coolest thing ever.

Can you find beauty in the world of tragedy and choas we live in today?
Yes, I really do. My music and photography are often inspired by a complete chaos and finding that tiny bit of logic or sense, a pattern within it. A funny example: religion. There's this huge concept of God and then the creation of little pointers or structures to understand this huge concept. The idea of religion is beautifulm not organised religion the way it exists in society per se. The same goes for astrology. I can't believe people sat there for hundreds of years observing the movement of the stars and found some sort of logic in it. It's incredible. Nature is incredibly beautiful, like the ocean or snow. It's a huge chaotic force.

How would you describe your style, your fashion sense?
Lately it's been lazy (laughs) because I've been in the studio for almost a year, so I'd say no fashion at all. In general I've pretty much been dressing the same since I was 17 years old. I'm a bit of a sentimental, romantic person. That's why I collect vintage. I remember being 15 and finding a vintage skirt and knowing that I was the only one wearing that skirt made me feel special and connected to the woman that bought it 20 years ago. I like having more meaning to things. I love '70s and '40s designs inspired by the Victorians.

Who are your favourite designers?
The past few years I've had very specific relationships with designers who are also my friends. Again, I'd like to be connected to the people I'm supporting. For years I wore a lot of Michelle Mason. She made the perfect modern tailored version of Victorian leather. She's very consistent and clean-cut but with a little bit of the frilly victorian to it. I also love the one of a kind pieces by Elisa Jeminez. She's more of the conceptual artist who decided to translate into clothes. Her pieces make no sense on a hanger. They're almost like ancient Greek wrapped fabrics. It was great for stage: stretchy cotton in crazy colours. Then ofcourse there's MRS by Molly Stern, who is an HOD band member. She is a make-up artist turned designer, Molly did the make-up for the shoot with Olivier Theyskens for Harper's Bazaar. It was Olivier's first trip over to New York. He had done a bunch of clothes for Madonna. Hole was working with Ariane Philips, Madonna's stylist at the same time, so he brought some of his dresses over to one of our shoots. I fell in love!

Who was first? You or Madonna?
There was this one dress that she and I wore the same week. We both wrote to the designer, begging for the dress. She got the dress. But Olivier ended up choosing me for the photo shoot in Harper's. Later, The Smashing Pumpkins hired him to do our tour clothes. The whole year I was dressed in these huge amazing dresses. This year I want to be a little bit more classy...

Do you like to model?
I oly do things that make sense, like Michelle Mason's catalogue, because she's my friend and I like to wear her clothes. And I did one runway cameo for Olivier Theyskens. I would not want to be in fashion shows. I studied photography and I've been taking self-portraits since I was 13 so I feel very comfortable in front of the camera. I like the challenge to be myself or even to take on characters. It's fun. It's like playing a game.

You've had a couple of photography shows with your own work. How would you describe the nature of your pictures?
The self-portraits are not necessarily of myself, but of my surroudings. I have documented the world around me non-stop since I was a teenager. I was watching the world unfold. Sometimes it was me, sometimes the people around me, other times a room changing or seasons changing. I shoot a lot of documentary in a very stronged slanted dream-like state, surrealist, not straightforward reportage by any means. Some of the shows presented work from the road. It could be anything from an empty hallway leading to stage, or backstage shots of other musicians, or a landscape from an airplane. Basically the stuff that reflects what I've seen in life.

Sounds like you're ready for a book...
I am preparing one. The book I want to put out is somewhere between art photography and pop culture. I want to get my six years of touring photography out, sort of like a tour diary.

Dave Grohl (Nirvana/Foo Fighters) once said that he never answers questions about the death of Kurt Cobain or his relationship with you. Why is that? How important are boyfriends in your life?
My boyfriend is a huge part of my life. But I have issues about my personal life being entered in the weird thin world of magazines and public knowledge. I don't think my personal life fits in that compartment. I will discuss love and what it is to look for love in one's life, but in terms of actual details about my boyfriend, who it is and why it is, no. I really think it can affect the relationship. When Dave and I were together we swore that we would never get into that sort of mess. I didn't want a public relationship. Maybe it's because I'm a woman. Maybe it's because I'm obsessed with independence. But I'm not afraid to say I need love and partnership.

Finally, can you give us some beauty advice?
Hmmm... just brush your teeth twice a day and wash your face at the end of every day. And don't wear too much make-up!

Hand Of Doom Live In L.A.: A black Sabbath Tribute is out now on retrophonic. Melissa Auf der Maur's solo album will be released on Capital Records in May. She is touring Europe this summer.

- Interview by Natalie Joos for i-D Magazine, the individual issue no. 230, March 2003

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